My friends, they love my intelligence
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are the jesus of drinking
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
