Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
