Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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