Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
did you just send me my own nude
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
