I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
