You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
