My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
