You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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