she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I will die if light touches me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
