you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
