And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
