i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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