Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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