I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
