Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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