Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
