Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
