I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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