She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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