Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
