you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
