i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize