85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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