a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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