dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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