Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
