how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hello my rib-scented angel!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
