so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
