Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
