You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
