my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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