Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
