The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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