just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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