Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
