Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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