Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
