he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
