So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Enjoy the penises
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
