I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
