Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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