I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't think brook has ever known best
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
