turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your penis caused this!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
