It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
