When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
