My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
