I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Your penis caused this!
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