Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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