Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
