ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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