He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
