Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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