That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
