please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
