she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
